I have a lot that I intend to say...

But for now, I'll just say that the first week of school was IMMENSELY stressful. But things have cooled off for now, and I'm enjoying low-key days before T.A.ing really sets in. Though I'm learning how to listen Laurie-style and it's really hard for me.

I thought you may enjoy some pictures of Twelfth Night. These are all of the production shots that were taken, so many of them are very similar. And my dress still needed some final adjustments at the time, so it doesn't look the greatest. Alright, disclaiming aside, here they are:

http://photo.byu.edu/markImages/2006/0608-84%20TMA%20Twelfth%20Night%20pr/index.html

"For the rain it raineth every day."

As a friend left the apartment today, she said "Have a good first day of school tomorrow!" And I realized, tomorrow could be my last first day of school in September which, for most of my life, has meant Back-To-School. A bit of panic bloomed within and I fear this panic will not go away, but will be a part of my ever increasingly anxious senior year. What if I don't get into a graduate school? That is so possible. Honestly, I am so terrified of what my life is going to be come April. And this is the beginning of the end.

I Love acting. Notice that capital L, it was on purpose. And I know that this is what I am supposed to be doing. But away from my safe haven of a school I don't know what is going to happen, where I'm going to go, how I'll make ends meet and totally support myself for the first time in my life when I have hated every job I've ever had except T.A.ing. These are questions most people have to face, and I know I'll get through it, but it's scary. If I got into grad school I would have a plan. But I can't just deny the fact that for girls my age it is terribly difficult to get accepted anywhere. I have to be prepared for making my own way somewhere.

Growing up, I always imagined that when I graduated from college I'd be married. I do not want to do this on my own.

But after these admissions and dwellings, what do I do? Well, I'll need to work on gaining some confidence in myself this coming year. Confidence while I'm at school is manageable at the moment, but confidence beyond that is very uncertain. And I know, what else can I do but keep working. As always, I will turn to what I can do. I'll focus on acting. Nothing else (except friends and family which are clearly imperative to my life) will fit into my schedule right now. And at least I know how to work on that if nothing else.