Love land here I come.

Months ago I got a brochure in the mail from the National Theatre Conservatory, advertising for their Summer Intensive Workshop. I imagine they send these to everyone who auditioned for their MFA program in February. At the same time, I heard something about the Fulton Grant application deadline coming up. Well, I dedided to apply for both, basically for the heck of it. I didn't expect to get positive responses from either. But I was probably feeling low about all of my graduate school rejections and I wanted to keep possibilities open. During graduation week I heard that I'd gotten the grant. Almost all of what I'd asked for, actually. Last time I got a grant they gave me a smidgeon of what I'd asked for, so I was very flattered to be given so much. I would certainly not have been able to do the workshop without the grant covering all of it. But I had yet to hear from NTC, and I wasn't expecting a positive. Of course, I probably always say this, setting myself up for failure, because I don't want to get my hopes up. That happens all too often with auditions.

Well, my Thursday night in NYC I returned back to the hostel before anyone else after spending a night with my sisters. I used the alone time to unwind, check blogs and emails... and there was the letter from NTC in my inbox. I was elated. I've had a lot of rejections, and not many acceptances, and it was a great feeling. I felt like squealing with glee. But there was no one there to share it with, so I smiled to myself. It has been really nice to be able to tell people my good news for once, and the title of the National Theatre Conservatory sounds impressive so even if people have no idea what it is, they're impressed.

The program is one month, 9-5 every week day. It is taught by the National Theatre Conservatory faculty, and you're encouraged to attend if you're interested in the MFA program there, which I am. The curriculum includes classes in the following: Acting, Audition Techniques, Dance (mrrr), Film and Television Technique, Movement, Improvisation, Shakespeare, Singing, Speech, Stage Combat, Commercial Voice Over, Yoga, and Trapeze (yikes).

All that I know specifically is that I have to have the four main Chekhov plays read and have two monologues, one in classical verse and one contemporary, prepared for the first day of class.

So I returned to Provo and had to turn down my dreamy job at Heritage since I'd be gone for the whole month of June. Very sad. I found some temp work for the few weeks I've been here, and my have those weeks flown by. Suddenly it's the week of my departure, and I am terrified. I'm sure there's excitement somewhere inside me, but all I can feel right now is nerves. I'm hoping they'll lessen as soon as I am there and am meeting people; then the whole situation will be personalized instead of being this big institution looming over me. I'm very very good at freaking myself out. I keep seeing this experience as more of a month-long audition than a learning experience which is the wrong way to think of it. I am freaked out. I couldn't sleep for hours on Sunday night. I was at my friend's house in Midway and after I'd gotten into bed it hit me: I am leaving on Friday. Its not longer in a few weeks, but this week. And I just kept thinking, What have I gotten myself into, I can't do this! I went downstairs and read the Seagull for a while, and then just lay awake.

I'm going way outside of my comfort zone. I'm going to a place I've never been to, to be surrounded by no one that I know, to prove my acting skills to people I desperately want to like me. Of course I'm freaked out. I just have to accept the freaked out feeling and go on to do what I do.

I can do this. I don't beieve it right now but I know that that belief is in me somewhere. It will be great. This program will be great for me, great for my resume, great for my prospects of getting into the NTC for graduate school. I'll learn a lot, make some good contacts, hopefully make some good friends. I'm excited to live in the city. I was going to live with my aunt in Loveland (what a name), but my mom and I decided it would be better to live in Denver. I'm glad, that commute would have been stressful and I think it will be easier to make friends if I'm there in the evenings. But I'll be staying a couple of nights with my aunt and I'm excited to get to know her better.

I just have to forge ahead. I'm sure (hoping) that everything will be better once I'm there. I know it's a good thing. And I know I'm good, I just get freaked out. I just have to pull together the scraps of confidence that I know are somewhere in me.

Summer habits

One of my summer habits is staying up late, and then sleeping in late. As much as I resolve to go to bed by midnight, I hardly ever do. Even today-- I got up earlier than usual, with less sleep than usual, ran some errands before work, went to the gym after work, I've been tired, and I tried to settle myself down with some tv, but I am still not ready to sleep. When 2 am hits, that's when I'm ready to sleep. And I do love my sleep.

Another summer habit is lots of movies. But alas, that was in the days of netflix.

My least favorite summer habit: lofty goals of self-improvement which get procrastinated and overshadowed by the novelty of leisure time. How many times have I resolved to improve my mastery of dramatic literature only to stick to the novels I have no time to read during the school year?

And Sex and the City. Last summer (in addition to my all-time favorite, Six Feet Under,) I watched 5 seasons of Sex and the City that my friend lent me. But he didn't have the sixth and final season, so Carrie and her friends have been hanging out, unfinished, in the back of my mind. As I wandered the aisles of Blockbuster tonight with my 2-for-1 coupon in my pocket, I searched for something to fit my mood: a little lonely, a little fluffy. Heavy dramas , though I Love them, are something I find I can only bring myself to watch in the theater, where it is an event, something which prepares my mind for what is coming. Or if it comes in the mail from netflix. Then it arrives, and can sit on my table until I have the presence of mind, focus, and time to invest in it. But since I have sacrificed netflix for a time, I haven't sat down to watch something like Tsotsi in my home for months. And even though I've intended to watch it for a while now, I could not bring myself to take it from the shelf. After reviewing all of the new releases (which are of course quite picked-over on a Friday night in Provo), I browsed the shelves, and Sex and the City came to mind.

Sex and the City is delightful summer watching. They're short, funny, romantic, and every now and then pack a real emotional punch. Yes, it has made me cry. I think I've seen the episode where Miranda's mother dies three times (the show is on tv every day), and each time I've shed some tears. It's always interesting to see what the girls are wearing. And I love the show because these are four women who are gorgeous, intelligent, skilled and accomplished, yet they're still single-- frequently that is. It's so easy to feel like a loser when you're single in Provo. But these ladies give single life a good name, and can cry about it themselves which in turn also makes me feel validated about my loser feelings.

I know, it's tv, not the real world.

But it's comforting none the less, even if it is just escapism/entertainment/wishful thinking.

And settling down on the couch with old friends on the screen is great relaxation, which is the best summer habit.

Some pictures I wish I could have included in my NYC post below:

Coram Boy




Moon for the Misbegotten
Grey Gardens

summer lovin'

What I need to do this summer:
-Float down the Provo River
-Go CAMPING. I want to go asap. S'mores and stars and wilderness and chilly sunrises.
-Go to Disneyland if it wasn't so crazy expensive. I've never been to Disneyland or Disneyworld, and I think that's sad. I need to go. Just once. Before I have kids. Is that too much to ask? I just want to go to the happiest place on earth.
-I would like to get to the Spiral Jetty one more time, but driving there scares me. Last time it ruined my brakes. But it's my favorite place in Utah.
-Go to St. George to see Jenny in Tuacahn
-Go to Seattle to feel it out, investigate about living there
-Have some crazy summer fun. Outside.

What I wish I could do: buy a scooter! My friend let me drive his last week (very trusting of him) and it was DELIGHTFUL. And so much less gas. And did I mention that it filled me to the brim with the delight of simple pleasures? I want one. I would consider buying one instead of a car for a while if I was thinking about living someplace where it didn't rain every other day. Parking is so much better. Gas is so much better. Driving is so much better. I'm in love.

And wouldn't this post be so much more interesting with pictures? Well, I'm at work, so I'm not going to bother with pictures. But let's talk about how my computer is not blog-picture friendly. Have you noticed how I've apparently been watching Tess of the D'Urbervilles for a few months now? I very much enjoyed that miniseries, but I have not been watching it for a few months. My computer WON'T let me switch the picture. Well, to be fair, I don't know if it's my computer or internet connection. But blogger is loath to let me post pictures in my blogs as well. It takes a while. And I can't preview what they look like while I'm writing a post. It's bothersome. I would so much rather have a fun, picture-filled blog. It delights the eye, and delighting the eye is what I'm all about.

where there's a whip...

Here I am at my temp job. It kind of sucks. It's really easy, but I hate jobs where I don't feel like I'm DOING anything. I answer phones, survey people, make sure sales representatives aren't deceiving anyone and ripping them off. Because they do that. I hate them. But I am so grateful for this job at the same time-- I thought I wouldn't be working at all these three random weeks that I'm home, so working at all is fantastic. But everyone's here just to make money, they don't care about security systems, they don't care about the people who are buying the security systems-- it's depressing. And frustrating. I don't care either. It makes me feel kind of wretched.

The best thing about this job is that when you're not getting calls, you can play online. So instead of sitting and staring at the cubicle wall (or gazing out the one and only window because I feel like maybe my eyeballs get some vitamin D just by looking outside-- I sit as near to it as I can)I can check email, read blogs, anything but myspace. Here are the blogs which have gotten me through the past two weeks, courtesy of Catherine:

www.gofugyourself.typepad.com

www.whatblows.blogspot.com

One's a fashion blog of celebrities looking bad. For some reason, it makes me feel better to know that they make horrendous fashion mistakes. It's also very entertaining to read. The other one is a great blog about theatre in NYC. I have now read the past year's worth of archives in both blogs. Now what? Maybe I'll finally turn to my Chekhov which I should have been reading the whole time. But it's hard to read Chekhov in two minute increments.

I do not feel like I can do this for another five hours. Much less another five days. But I must! And I'm grateful for it!

He is trampling out the vintage where...

Thrillionaires Steinbeck night. It took a longer time to get my clothes and myself dirty than I expected. I was lucky it rained yesterday, so there was plenty of mud to rub all over me. I cut and ripped up some old jeans and a shirt, discolered them with coffee and mud, and voila: migrant worker in Salinas Valley. For the second half of our show we did a musical a la O, Brother Where Art Thou? So we asked the audience for an epic story we could retell, and they gave us... Star Wars. I was Chewbacca, or Cheryl, yes! And I spoke in such a thick southern twang that no one could understand me, except of course my good buddy John Solitaire, a.k.a. Han Solo. Good times at the Velour.

I watched 'East of Eden' the other night to prepare-- good film. That James Dean.

New York City, center of the universe...

Even though NYC was a couple of weeks ago, I feel like I have to write about it before I can move on to anything else... The night before we left I didn't go to sleep so that I could finish all of my work. I wanted the week to be responsibility-free, something I haven't felt for a long time. I mean, of course I had obligations and worries-- we went to the city to perform a showcase after all, and I wanted to do my best. I also am in some amount of financial trouble, so I didn't want to go crazy with activities or shopping. But I wanted this to be kind of like a vacation, a reward for all the seniors to just have fun together after graduation and before we had to focus on real life.

We arrived at our sketchy hostel. I've stayed in a good number of hostels in my days, and I do believe that this is the second most sketchy hostel I've experienced. Just imagine, if you will, ten girls staying in one room which barely holds five bunk beds. These girls, at least for the first few days, are all on the exact same schedule and want to look their very best for the showcase. There are three bathrooms for the entire floor, and when I say bathrooms, there are not several stalls in each bathroom, they are singular bathrooms. Three bathrooms wasn't enough for just our room. It was kind of crazy. We are so lucky that we all liked each other because if there had been any drama, it would have been awful. But I do believe there may have been bedbugs. Um, that makes me queasy to think about. I'm glad I didn't realize it while I was there. Which is silly, but a blessing.



I think the showcase went well, I think we all did our best and both shows we had a full audience. That wasn't incredibly hard to accomplish because it was a tiny theater, but what more can you ask for? I was proud of how I performed, how I even schmoozed a wee bit after the shows, and by how I felt fine about not having anyone interested in me. Now schmoozing is something I detest. There are a few people in the showcase who are Great at it, and I am not. And I don't want to be, I feel degraded by it. But it's a necessary evil in showbiz, so I attempted it.

And after showcase was over, we frolicked. I was out in the morning and didn't return to the hostel until midnight or later. Something that I really enjoyed about this trip is that I was with so many people! Usually when I'm in NYC I'm by myself for the most part. But when you're in a group, other people have ideas and preferences about what they want to do, so it gave me the opportunity to go places I never would have chosen for myself. On monday we went to the top of the Rockefeller building. I would never have just gone if I wasn't with others, and I'm glad I did. Almost every major city I've been to, I've climbed to a high point to overlook the city. I think that's weird. And awesome. It's not something that I consciously think about doing. I'm not like "now that I'm in Dublin, I need to find a tall building so I can overlook the city." It just happens. And I like that it's an unintentional tradition. London: St. Paul's. Florence: Duomo. Venice: that tower in St. Mark's. Oxford: some high clock tower. Paris: Eiffel Tower. Edinburgh: Arthur's Seat (my favorite because it wasn't a building, it's a huge hill/mountainy thing in Edinburgh, I felt like the wind was literally going to blow me off of it). San Francisco: Coit Tower. New York City: Rockefeller Tower.



The shows I saw:

Moon for the Misbegotten by Eugene O'Neill. Transferred from the Old Vic. Starring Kevin Spacey and Eve Best (I saw her as Hedda in Hedda Gabler in London, she is Incredible.) Front row center. Such a good show. There were a few choices by Spacey that I didn't love, but I cannot deny his talent. I can deny that he should have asked for $60,000 a week for this show, that's just a wee bit outrageous. What happened to the days when he asked for $2,000 so that the seats could be more affordable? Nevertheless, 60 seats are reserved every day to be sold at student price, and I celebrate that. This is the only show that did that and I applaud. Great set. Not a weak link in the cast. Great play.

Talk Radio by Eric Bogosian. Starring Liev Shreiber. Third row center. I love Liev Schreiber. I didn't Love the play, but Liev was Amazing and I am so glad I could see him perform in person. Sexy beast. But how did he look so wasted right from the top?

Coram Boy, adapted by Helen Edmundson. Transferred from the National. Rear Mezzanine center (I was so disappointed, but it was ok, that theater is built so well that all the seats in the house have a good view of the stage.) The play started, by jaw dropped, and stayed there. It was SO creative. Visually astounding. Favorite part: when they find all the dead baby skeletons in all these trap doors in the floor. Brilliant use of brilliant music: Handel's Messiah. The best thing I've seen in a Long time. Those brits, I love them so much. Seriously, I just don't feel like we get this kind of theatre that often in the states, why is that? I've seen several things in England for the few months that I've been there which fall along the same lines of creativity and collaborative storytelling. I wish everyone could see this. Loved it with all my heart. I wished I could see it again because I know I've already forgotten things.

Grey Gardens. Front row center. Those two ladies are pretty spectacular. Seriously, how they nailed those two documentary ladies is beyond me. It's like they ARE those ladies. They must have watched the documentary 50 times. Great. I'm so glad this kind of work is going on instead of just Legally Blonde: the musical (which everyone else in my group thought was absolutely Fabulous. I didn't see it, am not one to judge.)



Some favorite activities:
-Going to Alice's Tea Cup with Catherine and Erin
-Spending hours in Central Park. I can't tell you how gorgeous the weather was-- perfect for people watching, strolling, reading, anything really. It was my default location. An hour to spare? Go to Central Park.
-Thrilling exhibit at the Met about Modernity and Architecture in Barcelona. It was about these artists who were working in Barcelona at the same time as all the impressionists in Paris. They hung out at a cafe called the Four Cats or something which looked awesome. I looooved their work and am surprised I have never heard of them before. They worked a lot with Picasso. Such a pleasure, I have to research them some more. The exhibit went on to describe how their work contributed to the architecture in Barcelona at the time. Again, jaw dropped and I really believe I had a pretty silly expression on my face as walked from picture to example to picture of the architecture. I need to go to Barcelona now. I haven't been so thrilled by an exhibit since the Hopper exhibit I saw at the Tate Modern a few years ago.
-Spending a sadly small amount of time at the Cloisters. Why did no one else want to go with me? What could be more cool than a monastary in Manhattan? The park around it was beautiful. I miss the trees of the East Coast.
-Spending the most money I ever have on one meal at a fancy restaurant. I'll try anything once, and I've never been to a fancy restaurant before. Again, something I never would have done without someone else to encourage it.
-Staten Island Ferry
-Buying Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger at the Strand bookstore, then reading it. Loved it. Weird how relevant it is to my life right at this very moment.
-Just spending a whole week in the city. It made me feel very comfortable with it. I'm glad that I'm no longer intimidated by the big apple.

good times by myself in Central Park

An afternoon in Central Park from Lola on Vimeo

Wow, my first efforts with iMovie. Thank you Elizabeth. I wished I'd thought of filming little clips of NYC life earlier, and I don't have as much as I'd planned to even because I met up with someone in the Park the afternoon I got these. I thought it was rude to continue my project in good company... But I'm learning more about iMovie, and more little films a la Laura are to come.

When a door closes...

What? I am graduated. Craziness. Well, I've been fearing the end since September, and I thought I might freak out about finishing school, but I haven't. It is very possible that it just hasn't sunk in yet, and it may not until September when I always have the back-to-school urge. But for now, I feel alright. Weird that I'm done with school, something that I've been doing almost my whole life... Graduation was a little unreal because none of us felt like it was really the end, probably because we had our NYC trip the next week. I'm kind of glad I'm sticking around Provo for the summer, I think it will give me a nice, gradual send-off. Then when I do go, I'll be ready for it.


Here are a bunch of us in the Tunnel before filing onto the stage. By the by, who came up with these very silly hats? Who thought they were a good idea?


I loved how small our convocation group was, not only was the program pretty short, but it just felt a lot more personal. It was nice. The BFA students were all on the back row, I'm glad they didn't make us sit alphabetically. We kind of felt like the bad kids back there, whispering and joking through the presentations. But don't worry, we were listening. I loved how encouraging the speakers were to us. I think we so often hear how hard it's going to be, how impractical what we've chosen to do is, (not that that doesn't have its place), it was nice to ultimately feel encouraged. And I'm glad all the parents and families got to hear how important it is to encourage LDS artists in our society.


The week felt really packed and rushed, and I wished I had more time to just chill with family and friends, but it was nice to be with them as much as I was. Thinking back, I can't believe Senior Recital was the same week as all this craziness! I was so glad that my Dad, Amy, and Eric could be there for senior recital and showcase. It meant a lot to me. I think I've done some of my best work in both of those classes.


Finals, grading, family, showcase, graduating... there was a lot to juggle during graduation week, when it was all over and we were all heading to NYC, I felt fun and fancy free. Bring it on, New York.