i love it

The Sweater by Meryn Cadell. In high school, Meghan Niles found this song and I have loved it ever since. But she never knew who wrote it, and thanks to google, I finally know. And have seen the awesome music video. I love the background dancers.

this is Laura on drugs.

Today I gave myself a sick day. I never do that, because I usually have more important things to be doing. But now I don't. I did wake up hecka early this morning to babysit, but then discovered that wasn't necessary. But I woke up to fog, so it was worth it. Utah is never foggy, so I like seeing it. I also reminisced about my school days as I drove around Pittsford, seeing kids traipse to school, and then imagined myself as 1) a professionial adult, as there were many on their way to work, and 2) a suburban housewife as there were many driving their kids to school. Upstate NY is a great place to raise a family, I feel. And I do, actually, live in one of the top 100 places to live in America, which a sign proudly declares as you drive into the Basin on 96. I don't know who awarded us that privelege, but I could agree. Sometimes I feel a little like Lorelai Gilmore, because Pittsford is just so Charming. Especially when I'm driving the family CRV because it is akin to a jeep.

With so much praise for Pittsford, why was I not looking forward to coming home? Because this isn't the ideal place for an actor.

As I was driving back home early this morning, I stopped by Wegmans to pick up some TheraFlu, my cold medicine of choice. I also picked up a copy of the October Martha Stewart Living.
This is a guilty pleasure of mine, which I think is a little strange. I believe the target audience is rich homemakers. I am neither one. And the publication occasionally makes me a little angry, as Martha flaunts her beautiful houses and endless money to redecorate it every week, or to put work aside to go out on her boat with her caviar and wine for an evening on the water. Like every woman who reads this magazine can relate, rather than envying the luxuries of the rich. I think the basis of my guilty pleasure is that I want a place of my own, and I am looking forward to decorating it in my own style. I will probably not, unfortunately, have the money to do it in the way or in the time that I want, but Martha's magazines do give me ideas. And she does appreciate a good garden, good food, and creative not kitschy crafts.

One of the luxuries of home is my mom's kitchen. It has every appliance you could desire, and she has all the spices and herbs that I have not had the cause/money/time to collect. I made ginger bread today from scratch with fresh ginger. I ate it as I watched Little Women. Nick once asked what our comfort things are during J.C., and I replied, without hesitation, that Little Women was my comfort movie. As much as mashed potatoes is my comfort food and Gilmore Girls is my comfort TV show.

Dream Roles (in no particular order):
Jo in Little Women, the musical
Belle in Beauty and the Beast
Martha in The Secret Garden
Catherine in Proof
Beatrice in Much Ado About Nothing
Kate in Taming of the Shrew

Alright, it's been almost a week since I got here, and I'm tired of entertaining myself. In other words, I'm a little homesick.

vegan splendor

Here is my favorite poster I ever made, which was sacrificed to the moving gods. It was for my costume design class, and the assignment was to create a research board for any character in Shakespeare's Twelfth Night. So this poster includes significant phrases from the play and pictures which supports my oceanic concept. This board is for the character of Olivia, hence the mourning. It reflects period costume ideas for Olivia, a general reflection of her character, and how it fits into the concept.

I went on a walk the other day. I was in the trees, all alone, and I thought, what would I do if I met a creepy man on this trail? I'm in the middle of the woods. Creepy. It also gets so dark here that it's creepier still. There is a lot more unpopulated areas here than in Provo. But the woods were pretty. These are some sights I saw. I need a new camera.




Today I:
finished a book
agreed to nanny for a few days my niece and nephew Lily and Peter/Juma
got started on my graduate school applications
reminded my letters of recommendation people that I need them to apply to be a substitute
did laundry
made a vegan feast for the whole family

Pretty productive considering I woke up at 11, never left the house, and am still in my pajamas. Awesome. But I am going to the gym in an hour so I will be getting dressed.

I made tomato and butternut squash soup, vegetable pasta salad, and sweet potato cornbread. All from scratch. My first all-vegan meal. I can't deny that I was a little impressed with myself, I think everything turned out well. I don't think my family liked it as much as I did-- there is plenty left over for a few days of dinner. But it was autumnal, yummy, healthy, and vegan. It was all whole-wheat, and half organic. Wegmans, the best grocery store ever, has an amazing health food section. I was so impressed.

Also

Why do I go to bed at 2 every night? No matter where I am? Do I just need that much down time to myself? It's always 2.

Southern California wants to be western New York

Before I left Provo I got my first pedicure. Enjoyable. I wish I could get them regularly.

Michelle and I performed a small miracle getting all of my stuff to fit in my Subaru with room for her suitcases. I had to sacrifice my favorite poster I've ever made (I took a picture of it that I will post later), and my metal trashcan that I've had since freshman year. I was very fond of it. The drive was good. I thought it might be awful, but it was really interesting to see the different states. Wyoming-- ugly. Every other state, beautiful, especially Iowa. Good time of year for driving across the country. Visiting Debra and her incredibly adorable baby was great. Seeing Breanne at Winter Quarters was great, and a bonding time for Michelle and me. How awkward. There was a point when they told us to sit in this room as long as we wanted, and Michelle and I, separately, were just thinking "How long do I have to sit here before it's acceptable for me to leave?!" And the sisters were bearing their testimonies every other sentence. And they made the four of us tour members sing Come Come Ye Saints. But the visitors center was very interesting. My favorite part was this little Midwife's guide, it was Awesome. Check it out when you go, it's in the display in front of the oxen (which are real by the way. Their names are Star and Bright.) I also really liked the cemetery. The country really was just beautiful. I didn't enjoy driving once it was nightime where all I could see was flood lights and neon signs with gaps of black in between. But the sunsets were golden. And our hotel right on the shores of the Mississippi was pretty awesome. Michelle and I really wished we'd had time to head down to Nauvoo, but she had a wedding to get to. It would have been gorgeous. In fact, I really wish I had some more time to drive around the East right now, because, I can't say it enough, it is BEAUTIFUL here.

Road trip music of choice: musicals. Especially Big River, that is a road trip staple.

We also listened to The Nanny Diaries. I could have done way better than that woman reading it. She drove me crazy.

Being back in the East is interesting. After spending years in the desert, except for a couple of weeks in December, you forget how Many trees there are here. It was kind of overwhelming.

I'm still not used to being here, but it is gorgeous.

Before we got home, Michelle and I went to the airport for her to rent a car, where my two worlds collided. Michelle (BYU) was in the airport with me (home). It was weird. We've never been home, and friends, together. So for each other, we're BYU people, not NY people.

What have I done since I've been home? Helped my mom with incredibly detailed Primary preparations. Visited two gyms and lied that I was still a college student. Drove around with the windows down to smell that autumn/tree/nature smell. Got sucked into the mall where there is now a Sephora! I forgot how awesome a mall Eastview is. Laid in the grass-- on the lawn, because we have a lawn! I was pretty excited to realize that I can go outside and lay in the grass of our huge lawn whenever I want. Unpacked the car. Watched some TV with mom and Meg. Played Zelda.

Tomorrow: go to the singles branch here. I hope I'll like it, I'm not holding my breath though. Take a walk through the woods. Tackle the family picture collection. Probably play more Zelda-- what?

I wish I had a picture for every thought in this post.

Goodbye.

literally breathtaking sunsets
gorgeous mountains
crispy autumns
snow-blanketed mountains
trips into the mountains
spiral jetty
day after day of brilliant blue skies
sundance film festival
independence
friends

When I came here I thought you were Ugly. But now I think you're gorgeous. Except during the day in the summer, then I hate the sun as much as it hates me. I wish I'd hiked more, but I'm glad I got to explore as much as I did.

I don't want to.

Meow.

This cat is abandoned, and I want to keep it. Aunt Susan's cat had kittens, she gave them away, and the family that belonged to this cat brought her back. Sad! She is adorable and likes to sleep in the crook of my neck at night. I wish I could drive her across the country with me.

So I'm in my last of week of Utah here, and it really doesn't feel like it. I wish it did, because then I feel like I could make proper goodbyes. As it is, I will be gone before I realize it's the end.

Yesterday was my last day at work, so they got me a chocolate cake. Way nice. Unfortunately I was feeling pretty sick yesterday, but I had to eat it! It turned out alright and it was way nice of them. We got into a conversation about haunted houses. Why did I never go to a really good haunted house in NY? Were there any? I tend to think if there had been a good one I would have gone. Utah has an Abundance of them. Good ones too, I have been really really scared. Well, perhaps I found my calling. Haunted houses make bank. Back to work, I was actually kind of sad to leave it. My bosses were super nice, Really didn't want me to leave, it was such a laid back atmosphere. Oh well.

I've been having some mini anxiety attacks about going home. I'm guessing I would be having them anywhere else I'd go though. It always surprises me how home doesn't feel like home. My house does, and the hill I live on-- I like how if I'm in th car and have my eyes closed I always know when we turn onto Burnley Rise-- but the area doesn't feel like home. The atmosphere. I'm too used to Utah. I hope hope hope it is dressed in autumnal beauty when I get home and that will help me like it better. I really like Utah in the fall.

I saw my first Western this week: 3:10 to Yuma. The new one. I'm glad I saw it in Utah. I really liked it. Though I'm pretty sure I don't like westerns in general.

I spent all afternoon at the Clarks today. I love the Clarks.

While I was there Maclain did that color test with us. I am BLUE. And then the other colors, gold, green, and orange, are pretty equal with each other. I would actually like to look more into this test. I think if I were very well acquainted with it it would help me interact with others.

I have to stay in my brothers' room at home, which I don't love. It's the boys room. It always has and always will be the boys room. And since having a space of my own is so important to me, I want to change it up quite a bit, but I feel guilty about it. Chris is pretty much moved on I think, but Eric is on his mission and I'm not sure what his plans are when he comes back. If I went on a mission I don't think I'd want my room totally changed while I was gone; but I am a very different person than Eric is. I would even like to venture to paint. I think paint makes rooms look so much better. This is all up to my mom of course.

Thrilled into goth for a night

Last night for Thrillionaires we did an after-school special for the first half, and High School Musical for the second half, so we decided to be high school stereotypes. As you can see, I chose to be the goth girl, and perhaps got a little too into. At least my bank account says so. But it was very fun and I think I pulled the look off well. I got some weird looks on the street. There at the end is Hailey and me as the cheerleader and the goth girl.

On another note, I got an email last night from a girl I tried to contact at least two weeks ago. She would love me to be her roommate in Seattle. I think I would have been happier going home if I didn't have this option. Really, how many times do I have to make this decision? Thanks a lot.

I'll make the most of it, I'm an extraordinary machine.

I'm heading home, to Pittsford NY, on the 19th. I'm looking forward to it. It'll be hard, but in the same ways that moving to Seattle would have been hard. I'll spend plenty of quality time with family, I'll earn up some money, I'll see some plays in NYC, and I will go to the gym a lot. I will also have the luxuries of my mom's kitchen and will cook up some vegan treats. I'm excited to explore that.

My dad drew the very accurate conclusion that it feels like a step backward, but I suppose it wil only be up to me whether I go backwards or forwards. I do feel somewhat like a loser compared to some of the bold brave moves others are making, but I will make this time worth it, and I am sure I will look back at this time with positive feelings.

I was vague in my last post because I didn't want anyone to hear about the news through my blog, it would be much better hearing it from a person. But a friend from Acting Track died, Hollie Beard, in a car accident last Saturday. Tonight is her memorial.

It's been quite a week. You will not believe what happened last night during the show. The set on stage makes it so that if you walked off the back of it (the upstage part) you would fall right off the wall, perhaps about a 10 ft drop. There isn't a guard rail or anything. Well, last night, near the end of the show, a member of our cast went right off the back of it. I was at the top of the house and could not believe what I saw. Truly miraculously, the afflicted cast member only has a broken elbow and Plenty of aches and pains. So so so very lucky. Crazy.

It's my last week in Provo, and I need to make some lunch dates with people. It's nice to finally know what I'm doing.

Only heaven knows how glory goes

Life really just sucks sometimes.

We got some really awful news this weekend, and though I spent yesterday helping friends as much as I could and being fine, by the time I got home, late, all I wanted to do was have a really good cry about everything. But I couldn't, because I don't really have a home, and you can't have a really good cry if you don't have a place to be comfortable enough to be yourself.

Seriously.

VS.

Why in the world would they put my two favorite TV shows at the SAME TIME? Do they really think that's going to help anything? I'll still be watching both I'll just have to watch Grey's Anatomy online the day afterward, which stinks.

Also, as silly as this is, thinking about the upcoming television season makes me homesick for school because my TV shows used to be stuffed into my homework/rehearsal/gym schedule. And now I don't have those anymore. But Grey's Anatomy and The Office are still related, in my mind, to the homework I was suppused to be doing while I watched them, or the late hours they were delegated to because I couldn't watch them til I got home from rehearsal or a show, but I had to watch them as soon as I could. I miss school. Now my immediate future is a wasteland of unknowns instead of a set schedule of classes and the homework which accompanies them. I suppose things will be better when I eventually settle down. The sooner the better.

Odds and Ends

My feet hurt, and it hurts to look at them. One day, before I went to Denver, I lay on Amy's lovesac and she mentioned how nice my feet were. I think it went to my head. This picture was taken of my feet after I came back from Denver, and since it's blurry you can't see how callused, blistered, and sore they really were.

Well, running around at the dry hot Castle has only contributed to the problem. My feet are in an awful state and they look forward to the day of pedicure which I think must happen after the show is over. I've never had a pedicure before.

And since I never posted my pictures of Seattle, here they are. My friend Christy came with me and I am still grateful because the drive was rough as it was with the two of us. My favorite part of the journey: when my iPod ran out of batteries we played a game: see how many words to Disney songs we know. Please imagine the two of us, EXHAUSTED, after 10 hours in the car with only two gas/bathroom breaks, kind of delerious. And Christy is yelling/growling the songs out when they get too high. Hysterical I tell you. We did pretty well, I knew every SINGLE word to "Zero to Hero" from Hercules.

We had left at some ridiculous hour like 4 in the morning. I won't tell you how much sleep we had. We made it to Seattle by 5 or 6 so we could see a production of Uncle Vanya at the Intiman Theatre. It was SO GOOD.





I had never seen Chekhov performed (outside of a classroom) before, so I was a little nervous that my first experience with performed Chekhov would be a bad one, since it's so hard to do. But it was so so so good. Everyone was spot on. It was so funny and so sad. There were silences which lasted and transitions from scene to scene that were GORGEOUS and moved the story along in themselves. They were amazing. It was directed by the same man who did Light in the Piazza and I am now a wholehearted fan. It was almost perfection, I honestly have almost no criticisms and the ones I do have are small. Costumes, GORGEOUS. Set, GORGEOUS. Music, GORGEOUS. The woman who played grown-up Amy in the movie of Little Women played Elena, she was good.

The trip included an evening at Golden Sands (or something) beach. It's the only sandy beach close to Seattle and it was beautiful. We brought chinese food and free firewood to build a bonfire on the sand.



We also spent an afternoon in a park on Capitol Hill. There was a rapunzel tower, lots of grass, an Asian art museum, a conservatory with Beautiful flowers, Oren's awesome shirt, Shakespeare in the Park, and the cherries I'd bought earlier at the locks. Delicious.


My pictures are all out of order and I'm too lazy to fix that. Sorry. We also visited the very first Starbucks while we were at Pike's Place Market. There's another picture down below somewhere...





Christy does not like seagulls. There are, understandably, many in Seattle. The Seagull is the state bird of Utah.
Everyone who goes to Seattle should go on a ferry ride. They're pretty cheap, and the trip to Bainsbridge Island is lovely, only half an hour, and you get to walk around in Bainbridge. There was a bookstore there that I LOVED, and a really tastey diner/cafe. What a lovely morning. This was on the first day and I was in love with Seattle already.




I really wished I had some reason to buy flowers at Pike's Place because they were so beautiful and they were wrapped in brown paper.

I actually should have taken more pictures, there were plenty of opportunities and Seattle is gorgeous. It was also sunny all weekend long, lucky me. But I was focused on getting the Feel of things, seeing if it fit and absorbing all of the neighborhoods that I could. I LOVED Seattle. Do you ever go places and you wonder how you didn't grow up there? It just fits you. That's Seattle for me. I also loved, as silly as it may sound, how hidden away it felt. It seemed like Seattle was a well-kept secret, hidden behind mountains, trees, beyond wide waters. I want to live there someday, and I want everyone I know to come visit me there when I do because it's beautiful and I want everyone to experience it. It doesn't feel like a big boisturous city, but it's a very well-educated city. My cup of tea. Here's what you need to do when you come:

ride a ferry
go to Pike's Place
eat some sea food, preferably on the pier so you can gaze out at the water
spend some quality time in a non-chain bookstore (there's another in pioneer square which is great)

I'm sure I'll come up with more. Spend some time in a boat would be on the list if I had a boat.

On a different note, I've been in Borders for a while. I used to prefer B&N to Borders, no question about it. But I've got to say that at least here in Provo/Orem, I prefer Borders. Here are a few reasons: less crowded, more organized, much better film collection, quieter, more low-key (sometimes I feel B&N is snooty), and you don't have to pay for tampons in the bathroom, how nice is that?! Bottom line, they are both still chain stores.

And in defense of B&N, I have roots/memories there and their theatre section is much better.

Odd. and the end.

I am HOT

I can't believe how hot it is. Every. Day. I wake up hot (Aunt Susan doesn't have air conditioning.) I shower and feel refreshed, but soon get hot again as I blow dry and straighten my hair. Very hot things around my face. I get some relief at work where I am usually cold, but any forray to the car brings the sweat trickling back. And then the Castle. Oh the Castle. The Castle soaks in the sun all day, the amphitheatre essentially becomes a brick oven. If I show up with my hair nicely fresh and smooth, it soon becomes slightly frizzy and wonky. Not to mention the sweat which trickles down my back. I know. Gross. Welcome to my life. I think I sweat more post-gym revolution. Throughout the show I sweat. My shirt is pretty well soaked by the end. Gross. And I'm writing this on my public blog why? The heat has fried my brain.

Today I went to Swiss Days in Midway and it was HOT. I couldn't believe how much I sweat. I actually didn't feel that hot, but the sweat seeping from my pores was more than enough to convince me of how hot it actually was. Someone in my cast doesn't sweat, and I can't tell you how jealous that makes me.

So instead of going back to my aunt's house, (though I really should take a nap in that hammock of hers), I am here at Borders, paying for internet. Because I LOVE the internet and I hate not having it at my beck and call any time of the day or night.