"Every living creature on this earth dies alone."

Donnie Darko. Still confusing. Still intriguing.

I'm home. Good old Ro-cha-cha. I survived finals week, flying by the seat of my pants. (Whenever I use that phrase I think of the Lorax.) I actually still haven't done a paper-- and I don't know if that's going to affect my grade or not. I need to suck it up and do the responsible thing which is to call Barta. My acting muscle is tired, and I'm actually glad I don't have to act at all for two weeks. And I seem to forget, every time that I'm homesick, how stressful home can be sometimes. Of course it's the worst right before Christmas when my mom has a million and one things to do and not enough time, energy, or motivation to do them. She's the kind of person who needs everything done exactly the way she wants it done, and so it's very difficult to help her. But it's still really nice to be home. To be rooted in one spot, not flying from class to meeting to rehearsal and so forth. And my sisters are starting to come home again which is really fun.

Good news: I got into "Handing Down the Names"! The audition process was not very enjoyable, but our cast is amazing. I think this is going to turn out to be a great piece to be involved in and I'm really excited about it. We still don't know what parts we will be playing though-- Bob will decide those after a couple of rehearsals. Prolong the torture, I beg of you.

So I saw Severin. Now it's a risk writing this because I have no idea whether he still reads my journal or not, but even if he does I'm just being honest. I'm a little hurt because I cared so much about him, wrote him for two years, etc. and he doesn't seem to care about me at all. Now, I know a mission is a huge, life-changing thing. I know it's going to be hard to transition back to real life. But I was so excited to see him, so happy to have one of my best friends back in action, and he barely even looks at me. I should try again, I should invite him to do something. But I am hurt by his nonchalance and indifference and I just don't feel like putting all of the effort into our friendship. Perhaps I've been spoiled by my close relationships at school where we really care for each other and we show it, but I was hoping for a little more happiness in seeing me.

I had two dreams last night which made me really happy: a variation upon two common themes. I was engaged and I was travelling to Napoli/Paris.

Bob was also in my dream. I was yet again trying to have an intelligent conversation with him which would impress him as to my intelligence and passion for living. Why doesn't he send out the Study Abroad acceptances? I'm pretty sure I'm getting in, but it would be nice to be concretely sure.

I warn any of you who may be reading this: 'House of Flying Daggers' is not nearly as good as 'Hero' are as the reviewers say. 'Spanglish' is much better than they say. 'Donnie Darko' is better with the director's cut, clearer to understand, though it would still require multiple viewings.

Ah yes, I've been home since Saturday, but the only two Pittsford people I've seen are Severin and Amanda. There was a get-together at Kavita's house last night which I was quite upset I couldn't go to. I didn't call anyone to make sure they knew I wasn't spurning them. It was my mom's birthday, and Lindsay and I had already agreed to a get-together/ fellowshipping [?] party which was last night. Quite frustrating. I'll have to see them all a Lot next week I guess, but I'm just really sad I missed out.

Peace and Love.