Bad Habits

I will never want to read or hear or watch that play for the rest of my life. Sorry Mr. McNally.

I wish that I could spend half an hour on blog writing a day. I certainly have enough to blog about-- I just don't discipline myself enough. I would apparently prefer to watch two hours of Project Runway or America's Next Top Model than come up to my room and put my brain to a wee bit of work. I don't like that. But I also don't like that writing this here blog is a solitary activity. I just can't tear myself away from companionship now that it is here.

Another bad habit: procrastination, as always. It is coming near to panic time regarding my impending grad school auditions. I don't have monologues which = Trouble. Right here in River City. And it's my own fault for waiting for an unavailable script to magically appear in my lap by way of my sister but I just wanted to believe that some things could be simple and attainable. I knew all along it was a stretch for me to get the monologue I wanted and I should have been rounding up some backups.

There are so many things about my life that I should funnel into resolutions.

I want to read more. This has never been a problem for me before, except that I read too much. Somehow the worst parts of me come out at home. Parts of me that I never knew I had.

I want to blog more. And I want my blogs to be better. Better than this paltry list of thoughts I've got going here. I've never endeavored or claimed to be a Writer, but I think my blogs used to be better.

I want to learn how to use my Awesome camera and turn this into a real hobby. And then my awesome blog can include awesome pictures.

Of course the inevitable: I want to go to the gym every day and get myself to LIFT WEIGHTS instead of just doing cardio.

I want to be active and engaged and pursue my passions all of the time because when I don't, I get depressed and feel useless.

Now these are not resolutions. Perhaps they will be when I get back from Chicago and Memphis, but for now I've got enough on my plate. I just need to get cracking.

A positive thing about my life right now: I am going back to Chicago. Which is kind of a scary thing for me because last year I kind of had a serious breakdown there. So it's a little frightening to be returning to the scene and cause of the crime. I am very disappointed that I look the same as I did a year ago. Very. And I can't believe I don't have monologues. But I haven't been scared away and I am proud of that, and I do think this year will be better. I think in a way I am more focused, and I've definitely become a little more centered, more confident with my talent and abilities. Hopefully that won't change when I enter that atmosphere of I AM SO FREAKED OUT.

Goal while in Chicago and Memphis: take in some sites, calmly, so that my brain isn't abuzz with auditioning adrenaline and nerves all day long every day. I think spending some time Not thinking about acting and such will help me. I need to get to that art museum. Instead of hyping myself up over doing my best, I will just be the best.