Thank you HBO.

I love good TV. I love the longevity it gives a story, and the development time it offers. I love really good TV. TV that is art. And that is HBO. I have watched a few HBO series now, and I have loved them like no other series. They are well written, directed, acted, produced. So much craft goes into them. The design is gorgeous, the research is thorough, the nuances gripping. They're each and every one surprising. The details are insane. Everything is daring and risky. They go where no one else goes. I really can't praise them enough. It would be a freaking DREAM to be in an HBO series. The following are shows that I love with all my heart. And I am not exaggerating. But don't get me wrong, I do not recommend them for the non-rated-R crowd. This is HBO after all.

The Sopranos and The Wire are on my list to watch some day. But those are major commitments. And I am excited for In Treatment to come out on DVD.

and my other favorite

pretty beautiful.

another favorite

Honestly, I usually get bored during ballroom numbers, but I was thoroughly entertained by this one. Despite what the judges say, I loved it.

one of my three favorites from last night

Mia as usual

I liked this dance too. I am usually a fan of Mia's choreography. And based on this week's dancing as well, I am liking this couple.

Favorite Hip Hop

This is from last week, and it is probably my favorite hip hop routine I've ever seen. The most moving one for sure. Loved it.

Back in my life

Finally, SYTYCD is really back.

Best number of the night: the hip hop routine with Katee and Joshua. Video coming as soon as it's up on youtube.

I also enjoyed Mia's number, of course. But that second hip hop just stole the show for me.

where do you go

I just downloaded Tegan and Sara's Live Session EP. After hearing them without all of their technological accompaniment I feel that I must see them in concert. The one in NY is sold out. Of course the one at Thanksgiving Point in  Utah is not. I knew I should have just stayed there.

And seriously, I feel that way sometimes. Usually when I talk to anyone who's there. Or look at their facebook updates. And see how many good times they're having, how their relationships are progressing and changing. How they're all in shows and working and playing. I thought I would get stuck there and be a loser for staying when I have no real reason to. But I feel far more of a loser here.

I have to limit my Tegan and Sara listening because they feel my pain a little too well sometimes.

A Good Day

Yesterday I worked from 8:30 am to 10:30 pm with a one hour break which I used to drive home and change my clothes. And today was the first day I've had off for almost two weeks. So maybe no matter what it was going to be a good day just because it was a break.

But it also included:

-sleeping in

-spending hours in the sun reading magazines

-gardening

-talking to two friends on the phone

-great Indian food

-a trip to Wegmans

-watermelon

-my Sephora paycheck

Today was sunny and so warm it was hot when you spent an hour in direct sunlight. Life is so much better in upstate new york when it is sunny and warm.

I love that I've been working so much lately. But yesterday it just got to a point that I needed a break. And I think a 14-hour workday is understandably a bit much when it's all in retail. But it also included some training from Julio, the first national makeup artist of Nars Cosmetics. And he came and trained us. I was a little floored. (Nars is a high-end cosmetics line that works a lot with fashion shows... Julio has made up some very famous models.)

I have more money in my bank account right now than I think I've ever had at one time. And of course relatively it's still not much, but it does feel nice. Fortunately and unfortunately I now have discounts at Sephora, Williams-Sonoma, Pottery Barn, Pottery Barn Kids, Anthropologie, and Urban Outfitters. So saving money and not spending it is a little more difficult. Because it's like everything's on sale.

Don't Tread On Me

By the way. I took advantage of the HBO in the hotel here on Sunday night and watched Part 4 of John Adams. I LOVED it. Oh that Paul Giamatti. (How does he pull off being unattractive but oddly attractive at the same time?) Well he's got some good acting skills regardless. And there's some really good writing. I watched it on Sunday and I still cannot stop thinking about it and how long it's going to be until I can see the rest of the miniseries. I can't wait!

It's always sunny

The city of brotherly love. It's treating me well.

On Sunday I took the shortest flight I've taken in a long time, which was fantastic. I am tired of long flights. It was also great that it was free for me. It was really great when we checked into the hotel to hear "Ms. Sorensen, the cost of your stay has been taken care of..." How glamorous! Our hotel is nice. Not niiiiice. But nice. And I can order room service for free, which I just feel great about. Sephora pays for $45 of food a day. Which is why I'm going to gain some weight this week. Wait for it.

I discovered that there is a Rodin museum here. And it SLAYS me that I am not seeing it. There isn't a subway station near it, so I gave up that dream pretty quickly. But Sunday would have been a perfect day for it and I was so sad. I may have attempted it if I hadn't been with someone else, but I didn't want to drag Jessica with me when she didn't know or care who Rodin was. The Rodin Museum in Paris is one of my favorite museums I've ever been to.

Instead of visiting Rodin's works of art we went into Old City, and it was really lovely. I've been to Philadelphia before, but Jessica hadn't, so we ran by the Liberty Bell and Independence Hall. It was a gorgeous day. Only chilly in the shade. It felt absolutely glorious after leaving upstate New York which is still in the vices of Winter. On the train into the city I noticed all the trees budding and daffodils already blooming and I was so happy to be here.

The first thing we saw coming out of the train station? The Reading Terminal Market! I love it. Just my sort of place. It's an enclosed public market. Over 80 merchants offer fresh produce, meats, fish, groceries, flowers, baked goods, crafts, books, clothing, and specialty and ethnic foods. There was a divine organic food corner. We found a creperie and had a savory and then a sweet crepe. Tasty tasty tasty. My sweet one was nutella, strawberries, and banana on a wheat crepe. Deeeeelicious. What a great welcome to Philadelphia.

Jessica is one of those people who pretty much just goes along with everything. She never had an opinion on what to do, so we pretty much just meandered around, following my instincts, which felt great. (Though an opinion once in a while would be appreciated.) I hadn't brought my camera, because I didn't think I'd have much opportunity. And indeed, I'm pretty sure Jessica would have gotten tired of my constantly pausing to frame a picture just right. It's just as well. If I owned the film 2 Days in Paris, I would look up the quote when Julie Delpy talks about not taking pictures when on vacation, even though she's a photographer. She finds it invariably separates her from her surroundings, and she'd rather experience everything herself. Except she obviously says it much better than my paraphrasing.

Old City was charming. Tons of nooks and crannies. Tons of interesting buildings, green corners and squares and hideaway parks. I really enjoyed it, and would love to live there. There were the couple of blocks where there were tons of tourists, but the rest of it felt pretty personal. And there was the random street or garden which was just so delightfully old. My favorite part of the afternoon was visiting Washington Square. It happens to be where the tomb of the unknown soldier of the American Revolution is, and I can't imagine a nicer place to be laid to rest. This sunny sunday afternoon lured people out of their homes to relax in the park, playing frisbee with their dogs, their kids, chatting with a friend. It was my idea of a perfect sunday afternoon. I love sunday afternoons when I'm out. I could have sat there until it was dark. But I didn't think Jessica would enjoy that too much. Something else awesome about Washington Square? It's filled with corpses. It turned into a burying ground for Revolutionary War soldiers who died of wounds or sickness. It was later a place where local African Americans would gather and play music and dance. And now it's a truly lovely little park.

Jessica and I wandered over to the river and found a park/statue dedicated to Irish immigrants from the Potato Famine. Of course everywhere you turn in Old City you can read about some (sometimes random) piece of interesting history. It's kind of awesome like that. We headed into a restaurant call Marathon Grill which was a nice find. I had french toast.

The thing about our eating situation here is that it seems a shame not to use the majority of the money they provide us for dinner. Plus, when we're here at the hotel, we only have two choices for dinner. The restaurant here, and the restaurant in the Sheraton next door. The restaurant here is full of bad-for-you food. I am so glad we finally went over to the next hotel this evening. It's a little better. And for lunch they feed us a ridiculous amount of bad-for-you food. And they provide a couple of bad-for-you snacks throughout the day. And the girls here? They are STUFFING THEIR FACES. Going back for second and third plate fulls. I've never seen anything like it because a lot of these girls are Popular Girls. You know what I mean? And they're taking an oreo klondike bar AND Tasty Cakes for their snack. What? I feel bad enough taking the oreo klondike bar!

And when we get back to our room, about 6:30, I'd have to be quite motivated to get to the gym and to a restaurant before 10:00. Because I'm hungry after class, but I'm too full to go to the gym after eating. I know. PATHETIC. I am such a pushover when it comes to my food-rationalizing brain.

As for Sephora University. I am learning some great basics. But I've got to say, I feel too smart for this conference. Isn't that incredibly arrogant of me? But we're going rather slowly for my taste, we review things way more times than I need to, and I find my mind wandering way too often. I answer all the questions right because guess what? We are learning foundational knowledge, not anything in the least advanced. And am I the only one that reviews what we learn for ten minutes at night so that I will remember it the next day? Apparently so. I guess Jessica and I just come from an awesome store that has trained and prepared us well. But the conference in general has a great, fun, responsible, and proud-in-a-good-way atmosphere. I really like this company and I really wouldn't mind staying with them for a long time. And I do think I'll be coming home with some great new knowledge which will really help me with my job, and which will be really useful information in general. I really like our four trainers, and I think that it's incredible that Sephora does this, and even more, PAYS us to do this.

P.S. Thanks to my job, and what I've learned there, my skin has never been better.

We wish we could go back into the city, but it costs $14 to get there and back, so it's not likely when we'd just be there for a few hours in the dark. So we just chillax in our paid for hotel room.

Philly Cheesesteak.

I am so going to gain 15 pounds this week and have to wear my fat clothes again.

More on this later.

Some things I would buy if I could just spend my money.

Poster of one of my favorite plays ever. Changed my perception of theatre.
Another good one. I love the National's Poster Archive.
No, I didn't see it, but I am still obsessed.
The programme.
Sweet vegan cookbook.
Yummm.
Did you know that one of the best things you can do for the earth is to become a vegetarian?
All purpose bag-- for groceries and anything else!
I don't really know if I want this or the full out version, but I definitely want one of them. The full out version is like 6 times as costly.
Because you can never trust what the machines tell you, and it's all about your target heart rate zone.

seriously.

can't wait.

My dream life at 25.

I will be living someplace that looks like this:
or this:
Not including Ethan Hawke. I will have one of these:

And one of these:

It's true. A cat and a dog is a little lofty. I would start with the cat and add the dog later. But I really want both.

I haven't figured out what the job part would be yet. But at least I know what I want my apartment to look like.

Sometimes when I am working at Williams-Sonoma and I'm showing a customer the knives, I have a Six Feet Under moment. We're in front of a wall of knives. Good knives. Huge knives. And they are covered with a glass cabinet thing which only staff, obviously, have the key to. So I open it up and lots of times a customer likes to hold a knife in each hand, comparing the weight and the grip. And I suddenly see that person, that nice, normal, housewifey person, abruptly turn to me and start plunging both knives into me, repeatedly.

It's disturbing. But also funny.

Some pictures

My room at the Hyatt Regency. It was a pretty fancy hotel.
Randomly, Barrack Obama was staying at our hotel on Super Tuesday night. He had a big rally and speech in the basement, so we went. We didn't have tickets, I think we were supposed to, but we got in anyway and were actually pretty close. It was a pretty good speech. We were surrounded by people who LOVED him. It was fun and interesting.
He also had some good music choices for his entrance and exit.

Cloud Gate in Millennium Park. I am still beating myself up for not having my camera on that first foggy night because those pictures would have been amazing. Oh well.
I love this sculpture. I think it is beautiful.
Standing inside Cloud Gate. Or 'The Bean'.

Art Institute of Chicago. There's an Edward Hopper exhibit opening this week! Even though it's probably about the same one I saw in London, I was sad that we missed it. But the Institute was free for the month of February so that was pretty awesome. And I really loved their collection.

And now for Memphis. As you know, I was really nervous to see what my hotel would be like. Caitlin put the idea of cockroaches in my head and then I couldn't get it out. But it's actually pretty awesome in an eclectic vintage sort of way. There's hardly anyone here now. I have a king bed all to myself. Here's what the lobby looks like:

I was kind of excited to see the glass bowl sink. It makes me feel luxurious. There are 8 mirrors on my walls.

I can't believe I am going to audition again tomorrow. I am so done with auditioning. With the judging, the nerves, the trying to look my prettiest, the not being able to eat, searching for my name on endless lists. Even though driving home on Tuesday will be torture, it will kind of be a relief.

What a weird week and a half.

I just had a bizarre experience at the gas station down the road. Which is now hilarious. But bizarre.

And I've been noticing all night how every guy we are near looks at us. They Check Us OUT. Like literally, every guy. Stares. at. us. And though I've experienced many big cities on my own, and this isn't exactly a big city, I'm actually a little nervous about staying here alone for two days. In a $50 hotel.

Elvis stayed there once...

Thank you, thank you very much.

Alone in Memphis, Tennessee. I'm not actually alone quite yet, but Lauren and Caitlin have been auditioning/callbacking all day so I have had quite a bit of alone time. And tomorrow I truly will be alone. It's kind of weird to be totally by yourself in a city you've never been to or have any connections with. Our UPTA experience started this morning with an Elvis impersonator. Yes indeed. And it's kind of sad that I have no appreciation for Elvis because that is pretty much all there is to do in Memphis. But I am enjoying the wonderfully warm temperatures.

Last night we went to a very kitschy diner place. Elvis themed of course. There was much southern hospitality. And there was much fried food to be had. A pink cadillac picked us up and dropped us off. It was very enjoyable.

I drove through Arkansas yesterday and sang along to the Arkansas song from 'Big River'. That was also enjoyable.

I can't believe I am going to drive 15 hours on Tuesday. And WHAT am I going to do with myself tomorrow? I am moving to a hotel that is $50 a night, and that makes me scared a little bit.

Save this show!

If you are reading this blog, you probably know me. And you therefore probably know that I hate inspirational sports movies. So why in the world would I start watching a show that was spawned by an inspirational sports movie? Because Christopher Clark recommended it. I started watching this show soon after I moved home and and nothing to do for days and days. I watched the first season on nbc.com and COULD NOT STOP after the first one. I love it. Sure, the actors who play the students don't really look like they're in high school. But the writing is so good, the acting is so good, the production quality is so good, that I don't mind that at all. In fact I enjoy it because then I don't feel guilty about having a crush on Tim Riggins. Bottom line, I LOVE this show. And you will too. It is in danger of being cancelled.

Read this.

Watch episodes here.

You will really enjoy it. I am pretty sure. So you know all those hours you've wasted on the awful reality shows that fill the tv prime time hours now? Turn that tv off, and enjoy some quality television on the internet. PLEASE. Because I will cry if they cancel this show.

Maybe I'm falling in love with Chicago.

I got up and driving before the sun and made great time to Chicago. I arrived here at 4:00 EST, but 3:00 Chicago time. I have a very nice room. After parking my car for an exorbitant fee, I headed to my beloved hotel of last year, the Hampton Inn Majestic, because there is some great shopping around there. Why shop first thing instead of napping (which I should have been doing)? Because after sharing my audition outfit with my family yesterday I felt less than stellar about it. I feel better now, after purchasing a really cute white shirt to go underneath my vest. Small adjustment, but makes me feel way better. And why, may I ask, are the stores here 100% better than their sister stores at Eastview Mall? I speak specifically of H&M, Forever 21, and Macys. The Macys here makes the Eastview Macys look like K-Mart, the lowest of the low in my opinion. It was super fancy with a Lush! I smelled it before I saw it, and I smiled. Not to go on and on about a Macys, but you should have seen the building, it was a gorgeous building, all art nouveau and mosaic tiled. A dream. And they had like every cosmetic and skin care line you can think of. I love being in a city.

Moving on, this is why I am falling in love with Chicago: today, the city was shrouded in fog, and it was so beautiful and so eerie. I don't know if I've ever seen fog like that in a city. It's what I imagine London fog to be like, but it never happened when I was in London. The moisture just hung in the air, so thickly. There is So much beautiful architecture in Chicago and the buildings would just disappear and reappear around you. And WHY OH WHY did I not take my camera with me?! There were people taking pictures all over the place and I was so sad I couldn't capture the evening myself. The buildings are beautiful, and people here are pretty friendly, and it was NOT freaking freezing like last year. Perhaps that is why I was so surprised to see how lovely Chicago is today, because last year I couldn't notice it as I was freezing to death every time I stepped outside. I walked around sans coat and was just fine. Chicago actually seems preeeeetty artsy.

I bought my soy milk, hung up my clothes, did a little yoga. Now if only I could just go to sleep. But Caitlin and Phil's flight was way delayed, and I HAVE to show them my monologues before I head to my first audition tomorrow morning.

Well I love Liev Schreiber and Jamie Bell and Daniel Craig. And I love WWII dramas. So this is looking pretty good to me.

It's a privilege to pee

My hydracoach is my new best friend. As some of you may know, I hate water. I hate drinking it. I hate that I have to drink it. I am chronically dehydrated. Which, my trainer man told me, is not good for losing weight. It is also not good when you are auditioning and you're way nervous, and your mouth is dry as a bone! So this time around in Chicago, I will be so hydrated I will have to pee every hour. I got the hydracoach yesterday as an advanced birthday gift. I started using it at 5:00 PM, and by the time I went to bed at 3 AM, I had drunken at least 70 ounces. I say at least because my hydracoach wasn't entirely working at the beginning so I drank probably a bottle full of water that was not measured. Today, I have drunk 103 ounces! My hydracoach goes everywhere with me. That is key. I know it's silly that it takes this water bottle to get me to drink water, but for whatever the reason, (the numbers? the straw?) this is the best I've done with my water goal, which I've had for 8 months. Hurray for me and my new friend.

And yes, it is 2:48 in the morning, and yes, I have to work at 8:30. But here's my reason:

My auditions are next week. I have had trouble coming up with times to practice my pieces since I rarely have the house to myself and feel uncomfortable working on my pieces when there's someone else here. It's just weird. So I finally had this brilliant idea earlier this week: my mom, the primary pres., has the keys to the church building. So I go down to the church in the middle of the night when there will be no one else there to bother. I'm usually there for a couple of hours because I spend some time singing, and some time working on my four monologues. It's creepy. It's 2 in the morning, and the building creaks, and I imagine I see someone passing by the little window in the nursery door out of the corner of my eye.

Funny story:

Tonight some cops showed up as I was going in. They thought I may be a highschooler making trouble. But I explained myself and everything was fine. THEN, at 2 in the morning, I heard a car in the parking lot, doors opening and closing. I read a lot of Nancy Drew when I was little and it has permanently affected me. Pretty much every night, I think someone has broken into our house and is going to chloroform me and kidnap me or some such equal or worse horror. So I was scared. I knew Slate was still awake so I called him to just be on the phone in case it was someone up to no good. I stood there in the nursery, trying to decide what to do for probably two minutes. Eventually I opened the door and just listened for a while... and I heard noises! SOMEONE WAS IN THE BUILDING!!! My heart quickened as I gathered my courage to say 'Hello?' And then someone answered and he sounded totally normal and I felt much better. Don't ask me why this man from the Fairport ward just had to make copies at 2 in the morning in the library, but I'm sure he thought I was equally or more strange when I was yelling at King Henry in the nursery.

And now Slate thinks I am crazy. But really-- imagine it's 2 in the morning and you are a girl. Better safe than sorry, right?

Moo.

Some of my reasons.

From Sara and Rebecca.

My testimony.

I have a testimony of the iPod. It has truly changed my life. While perusing iTunes, and discovering the album below, I thought about how different the soundtrack of my life is now as compared to life before the iPod. Before, I had a lot of showtunes. And of course I still do, but I have so much more now. I have style, I have taste, I have a spring in my step as I walk down New York City streets, and multi-faceted motivation as I run on the elliptical. I had company and a wake-up call as I trudged to school every day. I would have fallen asleep at the wheel many-a-time without my trusty comrade. I was given my iPod one fateful Christmas. It's old-school, no colors on the screen. The click-wheel was the new feature back in those days. I named him Figaro and he has been my constant companion for five years now. I have been steadily gathering music and Figaro is still only half full. Or half empty. He's never been sick (knock on wood) and I would CRY if he were lost/stolen/destroyed in any way. The iPod brought music and expression into my life in a way I'd never before experienced. Growing up in a house of classical radio and instrumental soundtracks, with the occasional song from a sibling's car mix tape, I had no idea there was such an expanse of music out there that I would LOVE. That I could listen to on repeat, hear countless times on my phone's ringtone, and never ever tire of. Music that is indeed me, as my mom had inscribed on the back of Figaro. And now I have music at my fingertips, any time day or night, on glorious iTunes. How I love our age of digital music, and the wee phenomenon, the iPod.

The song you hear RIGHT NOW is from this album.

Oh Jo. Part II

My new haircut. Newly altered.
I was not best pleased with my haircut. From a new stylist. Though I liked the stylist very much, it's obvious she's a great stylist, she just wasn't my stylist. So after wearing the cut for a week, I went back today. I hope I (she) made it better, but I'm not 100% positive I did. She basically thinned it out more, razored it up some, created more layers on top. So it's less bulky now. I'm still not totally sold, and my heart yearns for Summer, my stylist of old who made my hair sexy. But at this point I'll just have to make do. These pictures at least make it look similar to what I was striving for:
That's the haircut I had when I went to Denver.

Even though I had grown my hair out for a while, and was enjoying it long, I had received so many compliments on my hair when it was short like that. People would say "That is THE perfect cut for you!" I don't understand why-- I have a round face, aren't bobsish things not supposed to be good for that? But I can't deny that I liked it too, at the time, so I thought returning to something I knew I looked good in for my auditions was a good idea. Or was it.

Because this longish hair was looking pretty good too, despite the expression.

P.S. Someone at W.S. asked me if I was part-Asian. Weird, no?

Every day when I walk into Williams-Sonoma, I walk past these beauties. They are what my heart desired the first time I walked into that store to get my application, and they are the one thing on my list that I NEEDED to buy with my amazing %40 discount. And they are gone. I am so upset. I haven't gotten a lot of hours the past couple of weeks at the old W-S. So I had no idea that they went on sale. I kind of thought they were a permanenty sort of thing. I was so wrong. I can't stand it. The one thing. And they were only $30. WHY did I not buy them before?!!!

Because I was trying to be good.

Oh Jo!

I am very touchy about my haircuts. And I am very very nervous about getting my hair cut on Thursday. For the last few years I've been getting my hair cut by the same salon-- good old Shep's-- who never disappointed me. Indeed, they made me love my hair like I never have before. I've had great hair for the past few years, and I think of that part of Little Women when Jo cuts her hair and Amy says "oh your one true beauty!" That's kind of how I think of my hair. I know I'm being totally vain about fixating on my hair like this, and it would serve me right to get a bad hair cut and then just have to live with it, but my auditions! I have put my haircut off as long as I could, now I must get it cut because I must look my best for my week o' auditions coming up. It really helps if you can be confident in looking your best when you enter that realm of judgement and anxiety.

I have returned to Shear Ego because I have no clue where else to go. It's good enough for snobby Pittsford women, hopefully it will be good enough for me? I am a little worried that it's good enough for the old women, not the young hip ones... I am hoping that this is a good place because if you have the moola to spend you can get your hair cut for $90. I have opted for the level of Master Stylist, which is the second of five levels. Who knows what the titles are for the three levels above Master. But my worries were certainly not put at rest when I was put on hold to listen to advertisements for Shear Ego's different spa treatments delivered through an extremely fake British accent. Why? WHY? If you feel the need to define your spa by a British accent, please find someone who can do it right. Like me.

The Beauty Authority

I am officially a permanent castmember of Sephora. I will be going to NYC for five days of fabulous training. I unfortunately cannot go with the rest of the new castmembers to the training in Washington D.C. because they are going the week of my auditions. Boo. It would have been a lot of fun. Oh well, move on.

Now that that worry is over, I immediately move on to worry a LOT about how many hours they are going to give me. I have a feeling that the full-time I asked for isn't going to happen.

Rochester is bleak today so I am going to pull closed the curtains and watch a movie about Edith Piaf. Though that may not be much brighter. But there's been some Oscar buzz over this girl's performance, so I hope it's a good one.

Bad Habits

I will never want to read or hear or watch that play for the rest of my life. Sorry Mr. McNally.

I wish that I could spend half an hour on blog writing a day. I certainly have enough to blog about-- I just don't discipline myself enough. I would apparently prefer to watch two hours of Project Runway or America's Next Top Model than come up to my room and put my brain to a wee bit of work. I don't like that. But I also don't like that writing this here blog is a solitary activity. I just can't tear myself away from companionship now that it is here.

Another bad habit: procrastination, as always. It is coming near to panic time regarding my impending grad school auditions. I don't have monologues which = Trouble. Right here in River City. And it's my own fault for waiting for an unavailable script to magically appear in my lap by way of my sister but I just wanted to believe that some things could be simple and attainable. I knew all along it was a stretch for me to get the monologue I wanted and I should have been rounding up some backups.

There are so many things about my life that I should funnel into resolutions.

I want to read more. This has never been a problem for me before, except that I read too much. Somehow the worst parts of me come out at home. Parts of me that I never knew I had.

I want to blog more. And I want my blogs to be better. Better than this paltry list of thoughts I've got going here. I've never endeavored or claimed to be a Writer, but I think my blogs used to be better.

I want to learn how to use my Awesome camera and turn this into a real hobby. And then my awesome blog can include awesome pictures.

Of course the inevitable: I want to go to the gym every day and get myself to LIFT WEIGHTS instead of just doing cardio.

I want to be active and engaged and pursue my passions all of the time because when I don't, I get depressed and feel useless.

Now these are not resolutions. Perhaps they will be when I get back from Chicago and Memphis, but for now I've got enough on my plate. I just need to get cracking.

A positive thing about my life right now: I am going back to Chicago. Which is kind of a scary thing for me because last year I kind of had a serious breakdown there. So it's a little frightening to be returning to the scene and cause of the crime. I am very disappointed that I look the same as I did a year ago. Very. And I can't believe I don't have monologues. But I haven't been scared away and I am proud of that, and I do think this year will be better. I think in a way I am more focused, and I've definitely become a little more centered, more confident with my talent and abilities. Hopefully that won't change when I enter that atmosphere of I AM SO FREAKED OUT.

Goal while in Chicago and Memphis: take in some sites, calmly, so that my brain isn't abuzz with auditioning adrenaline and nerves all day long every day. I think spending some time Not thinking about acting and such will help me. I need to get to that art museum. Instead of hyping myself up over doing my best, I will just be the best.