Another day, I'm still not dead.

We were cast in "Handing Down the Names", and I got a crappy part. I cannot put into words how sad/disappointed/frustrated I am. Suffice it to say that Friday night was my worst in a long time. I don't think I've ever cried so hard. This semester now looks pretty sucky since I have to put so much time into this production which I love so desparately, but which I can't actually contribute to that much. I am so sad.

Moving on, I'm also taking four classes and am in the travelling Young Company production of "Cymbeline". Not much to talk about there, except that Musical Scene Study really scares me.

I'm still in numb-- trying not to feel how hurt I am-- mode. This is a big reason why it's hard for me to get emotional onstage: in my real life, rather than feeling the hurt, I detach. It's the only way I know how to deal with it.

Resolutions:
Be tidier around the house
Don't spend money on food besides my groceries
Be super frugal
Be more active

I'm doing pretty well with the money side of things, except for the sushi dinner I allowed myself yesterday since the weekend had been so sucky. Sundance was also pretty much sold out when we went to get tickets yesterday. I hung out at Trevor's house on Saturday night though, and we listened to the Flaming Lips' four cds (Zaireeka) simultaneously, which was awesome.

At this moment, I feel like my life kind of sucks. I know that there are many parts of it which are incredible, which I don't fully appreciate. But there are also several areas which suck. But I keep on living, and I will just try to deal.

"Harold and Maude" was my therapy of choice last night. That movie is amazing.