I never do this

but I'm going to write about someone specific in my blog. I am only doing this because it's all so outrageous that I can't believe it's my life, this person seriously is a movie character who stepped out of the silver screen right into the bedroom around the corner from me. Lucky me.

Let's call her Evanesce. Right from the introduction, kind of unbelievable, right? We haven't interacted much, but here's what I know:

She is very proud of her car. She refers to her car not as her car, but as her BMW. Why is someone who owns a BMW living in my gross house? On the day she moved in, Beth asked her, "is that your truck in the driveway?" (She was blocked in and needed to get out). "Oh no, that is NOT my car, I borrowed it to move and my BMW will be here tomorrow." She was very clear with us about the truck not being her car. Now we have a driveway which only one car fits in, if you park behind that car, the first car will be blocked in, which is a little bothersome. Therefore, the house rule is first come first served and everyone else parks in the parking lot right next to the house. It has worked very well. But this system is not good enough for Evanesce. She insists she wants to adhere to whatever we're doing now, but her BMW is consistently parked behind whoever is in the driveway and Beth must continuously ask her to move it at 4 in the morning when she goes to work. Her BMW is obviously too good for anywhere but the driveway, no matter who it inconveniences.

From the moment she moved in I have felt like I must be a revoltingly filthy person. She has made comments repeatedly about how we need to keep the house very CLEAN. I assure you, I am not, in fact, revoltingly filthy. But she makes me feel like I must be. She is anal about cleaning. My reaction? Live and let live, be as clean as you want and I will make sure that I respect that we live in the same space and not be inconsiderate of you, but I am a busy person and I will leave a dish in the sink from time to time, and my room can be as messy as I want it to be.

She wipes the toilet down with alcohol every time she uses it and hints that she would like us to do the same. Fat chance.

She spends a lot of the time in the bathroom and is scrupulously specific about how she looks.

She locks her bedroom door whenever she leaves it.

She is extremely skinny with long hair, latino, and I'm guessing she's thirty-something. Just so you can get a picture of her in your head.

Now I figure that we're only living together for a month and a half, and I am out of the house most of the day, so it's unlikely that we would have major problems. As I said, I live and let live. No, I may not be uber-friendly and ask all about her life, but I'm not mean either.

But I do like my sleep, and I do keep odd hours. I work until midnight every day, that means I never get to bed before 1 or 2, and I wake up at about 10, maybe later. (I am not in school, and plenty of sleep is certainly on the menu).

On Sunday I was awoken by Evanesce and Beth talking to each other loudly, Evanesce from her room, Beth from the bathroom which is right outside of my door. Sometimes I'm irrational when I wake up, especially if I have been woken up by something other than my alarm clock. I realize this and decided not to leave the room until Beth and Evanesce had left. I couldn't take a shower anyway since both of them were using the bathroom and I didn't want to say something I'd regret. The same thing happened yesterday morning. I was feeling rather civil for just having woken up and decided to address the situation right then instead of silently resenting Evanesce every time she woke me up. So I opened my door and said "Hey Evanesce, could I ask you a favor? I work every night until midnight, so I don't get to sleep until late, and probably will never wake up before 10, so I was wondering if you could just keep it down in the hallway in the mornings?" I acknowledged that the hours were weird, but I would really appreciate it. She said ok. Great, I had been nice, courteous, mature, I felt great.

Really, let your imagination run wild with this next part because I cannot nearly do it justice in the retelling.

This morning I was getting ready for my first job and she knocked on my door. She continued to pretty much attack me about commanding her to be quiet in her own house. She was so up in my face, yelling, slamming doors and then coming back out add more. She couldn't believe she had to deal with this stupidity, I was an idiot and I had better not dare to command her to do anything ever again. She would play her radio as loud as she wanted, she would talk as loud as she wanted, she would do whatever she wanted and she was commanding me to take it. She was talking a mile a minute. She did not have to listen to a twenty-year-old and if I continued to talk to her like that then I was going to have to repaint my walls. (I'm not sure what that meant, but it was very definitely a threat.) Two minutes after she said something she would say she hadn't said it, manipulating every word. I honestly have never felt so personally assaulted. It really shook me up. I was experiencing it, not believing it was actually happening, there could not be someone like this who actually existed, this sort of thing only happened in movies.

My wonderful roommate Beth came out shortly after Evanesce started in on me and she witnessed the whole thing and I am so glad. This is something which is so outrageous that I'm sure you think I'm exaggerating. Some of you I'm sure regard me as someone who adds a dramatic flare to every story I tell. I assure you, there is no need to make this more dramatic than it was. Ask Beth, she is a very diplomatic, non-aggressive personality who is extremely fair about everything. She agrees with me, there is something wrong with this girl. She heard how nicely I asked Evanesce if she could be quieter, and she heard the unbelievable response a day later. She suggested we not be home alone with her so each of us would always have a witness, and she suggested we lock our bedroom doors.

When I left the bathroom a bit ago, I saw that Evanesce was home. I immediately fled to my room, turned off the light, and locked the door. That was honestly my instinct, the last thing I want is to interact with her again. This is ridiculous.