As a friend left the apartment today, she said "Have a good first day of school tomorrow!" And I realized, tomorrow could be my last first day of school in September which, for most of my life, has meant Back-To-School. A bit of panic bloomed within and I fear this panic will not go away, but will be a part of my ever increasingly anxious senior year. What if I don't get into a graduate school? That is so possible. Honestly, I am so terrified of what my life is going to be come April. And this is the beginning of the end.
I Love acting. Notice that capital L, it was on purpose. And I know that this is what I am supposed to be doing. But away from my safe haven of a school I don't know what is going to happen, where I'm going to go, how I'll make ends meet and totally support myself for the first time in my life when I have hated every job I've ever had except T.A.ing. These are questions most people have to face, and I know I'll get through it, but it's scary. If I got into grad school I would have a plan. But I can't just deny the fact that for girls my age it is terribly difficult to get accepted anywhere. I have to be prepared for making my own way somewhere.
Growing up, I always imagined that when I graduated from college I'd be married. I do not want to do this on my own.
But after these admissions and dwellings, what do I do? Well, I'll need to work on gaining some confidence in myself this coming year. Confidence while I'm at school is manageable at the moment, but confidence beyond that is very uncertain. And I know, what else can I do but keep working. As always, I will turn to what I can do. I'll focus on acting. Nothing else (except friends and family which are clearly imperative to my life) will fit into my schedule right now. And at least I know how to work on that if nothing else.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
"For the rain it raineth every day."
Posted by voyageuse at 12:12 AM
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6 comments:
Laura,
I know how it feels, but you will get through it all.
FYI, I happen to know that a "happenin" MFA acting program is opening 07 at UNL. It roots in Shakespeare and Classical Realism (if I remember correctly). AND, I know a great couple who just moved to Lincoln, NE who could set you up with a place to stay if you ever just wanted to come and visit.
Okay okay, do what you must, but I have to say that I am dyin without my YC Shakespeare friends.
Love,
Debs
I would not reccomend a masters; in most fields it is not a culminating degree, nor does it make you more qualified for any jobs. You can frequently get someone else to pay for a doctorate, not a masters--schools use them to fundraise.
Also, I would strongly encourage you to get at least one degree that could actually result in a job. I realize that the artist in you is all a flutter at the moment--sure another year "acting" would be fun and artistic, yet it will not help you pay back the student loans an MFA will cost you. Since your undergraduate degree is not one that will lead to a job, your graduate degree should. Whether you get certified to teach, pursue a more marketable theatre angle like light or sound design, or a different degree on a campus in which you can still audition and act.
I realize you won't like this, but consider that you are probably not going to have a life that different from the thousands of other people who would like to act for a living and cannot, or the millions of people who get degrees with which they can only pursue more education. I can think of a few people you know who have, within years of graduating with a useless (but interesting) degree have lamented that they cannot teach or otherwise support themselves.
More education will not make you a better actor.
Is Emily talking about me with that useless degree business? How rude.
Here's a little more unsolicited advice:
If you get a full ride for an acting Master's program - go for it! Otherwise, I have to agree with Emily about the usefulness of a Masters in acting. As someone who's attended quite a few professional NY auditions, they don't care if you have a high school degree, let alone a BFA. That line on your resume means absolutely nothing. As far as experience and technique, when I was looking at Master's programs for acting, I found a lot of them spending lots of time learning things I already knew, so feel lucky that you had a great undergrad program, and pass on the Masters. Also, a lot of my friends attended expensive programs only to drop out because they didn't like it, or worse, they did the whole program and then I saw them perform, and they weren't any better than when I last saw them at BYU. EXACTLY THE SAME - and this has been at least 5 different performers, 5 different programs. I think they are a little over-rated. a masters program is really only good for networking, and if you have to pay thousands of dollars for it, it's not worth it. I think you'd actually get more out of a master program if you did one a few years down the road with some real world performing under your belt.
Again, this is probably nothing you want to hear, but it really is true; every word.
One last thing, I spent a lot of time hanging my happiness on getting to act. Guess what, that was out of my hands most of the time. Now that I'm focused on something else, I'm a whole lot happier most of the time. Sure there's occasional heart-ache or jealousy when I see other people (the tiny percentage that get to) doing what I wish I was, but that's a whole lot better than almost constant depression over not getting parts. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you shouldn't try to be a professional actor if you want to, and I'm not saying that acting isn't a joyous effort; we both know it is. I'm just saying whatever you end up doing in the future (and unfortunately we rarely get to know ahead of time what that's going to be), you've got to find a way to be happy regardless of whether you're onstage or not. It's too hard otherwise.
If you want any other thoughts, you know where to find me.
Catherine and Laura and any other BFAers out there:
You are hardly alone in useless degrees. I bet we could go down BYUs list of degrees and find a tiny fraction with which you can get a job (I am thinking of engineering and eduaction, maybe nursing). Just about everything else either sets you up for higher education or recieving a great inheritance. If you really need me to, I would happily list the BAs and BSs obtained by your siblings that led...nowhere but back to school.
A few years ago there was a lively debate when some famous actor (I am thinking Whoopi Goldberg) indicated in an acceptance speech that young actors should follow their dreams. Many people felt this was bad advice considering the real possibility, as Catherine points out, that they have no control over their future and only a tiny minority end up with a happy story. I am sure this is the kind of conversation bandied about in your field all the time.
I would like to see people follow their passions as much as possible, and for some, that will mean involvement in theatre in a non-professional capacity. Surely it is the acting and not the money or fame that is your passion. Acknowledging that you may have to pay the bills while acting on the side seems, frankly, a small price to pay for the fun of fulfilling a passion.
No one is a great actor BECAUSE of their education, but I am sure many have benefitted from experience. Personally, I would not pay for an MFA, but hey, if a free one lands in your lap, have fun.
if TAing is the only job you like, then why not go into teaching acting? I'm sure there is still lots of competition for those jobs, but less than just acting. Plus if you teach at University's you can still be in some of the productions. Just a thought.
Laura, I just want you to know that I Love you and I think you're wonderful. Things will be hard, but they will work out. Continue in what you are doing and opportunities will come to make decisions and you will make the right ones. Don't despair, and don't let yourself get wound up in the future so much you neglect the present. Be brave and know that I Love you.
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