"Sometimes it seems like we're all living in some kind of prison. And the crime is how much we hate ourselves."

I have found many precious gems of insight and connection in the newly-discovered and much-loved "My So-Called Life". Logan, Sylvia, and Kevin introduced me. Angela speaks to me.

Last week was pretty bizarre. If only I could truly communicate to this journal how odd those days were. First was a series of attacks from three sides about Michael Moore, and my attempt at defending him and myself. Which led to offense. Then was the discovery of a shared crush, which still exists, but I'm getting used to it. It helps that other people know. And who knows, maybe the more I get to know him, my crush will fade. It's happened before. Fringe tech started last monday, and we continued to work throughout the week on our pieces. I ended up feeling pretty good about my show, and closer to satisfied than I've been in a long time. I needed that, as I discussed with Mary as school started. I just wasn't happy at all with "Papa..." and "Enchanted April" was just... not what I wanted. I received many compliments, which was really nice. My need for affirmation annoyingly continues. I was also asked on a blind date, arranged by Jared. I couldn't go because I was performing Saturday night, but it was nice to be thought of as a prospect for a date. I've never been asked on a blind date before, so that was new. I spent some quality time with Fringe people. Friday night we went to Emily's house, talked, played 10 Fingers of "I've never...", and made cheesecake. It was nice hanging out with some new people. Emily, Angela, Kyle, Shelby, Kevin, and Sylvia were there.

On Saturday, Sylvia and I went shoe/baby shopping, went to Kristin's baby shower, and started towards Salt Lake City with Emily to go see "Garden State" again. But, alas, we hadn't gotten very far before we were rear-ended. This unexpected event actually didn't take long, though it added more oddity to the week. There was a decaying animal on the side of the road, whose bones were bleaching in the sun. We also got a call from Logan who had seen us on the side of the freeway and wanted to make sure we were ok. He was heading to Salt Lake for an audition at Plan-B Theatre Company, which went well. We got to the movie on time, and interestingly it made me cry a lot more this time. The first time I saw it, I loved it and it totally spoke to me. But this time, whoa, it made me cry a lot. Zach, I love you.

Sunday, Sylvia, Logan and I went to Salt Lake again for Logan's callbacks. Sylvia and I just wanted to get out of town, so we went for moral support. We then went back to Logan's house where Kevin was making dinner for his and my cast, and then at 8 Fringe people came over for a cast party. We ended up staying there all through the night, and I pulled my first true all-nighter ever. No sleep at all, I just went straight to work. Then I had to write a paper, go to a voice lesson, and got to classes before I got an hour and a half nap. That night included Logan, Sylvia, Emily, Kyle, Shelby, Kevin, and myself. We watched two episodes of My So-Called Life, got permanent-marker tattooes, and Kevin read our Tarot cards. We all asked about our love lives, and it was pretty interesting. Mine basically said that at the current time I am non-volitional, with no aspirations, and my love life is going nowhere; I've given up. In the near future I'll have an abusive relationship, and my result future will be a big change, a painful separation from what I've been doing. Yikes. The reading also said that on the inside I am a very warm and loving person who will be a great wife and mother. So the reading was pretty accurate as to what's going on in the present, but the future looks rather scary. But the thing about tarot cards is that is shows the future how it would happen if I don't change things. But I can change things, I can become more volitional and change things. Interesting...

Today I skipped all of my classes and slept like crazy. Now my mission for the week is to catch up on all the stuff I haven't been doing since Fringe started. And to clean my room, which has exploded.

Life barrels on.