"If you ever feel neglected..."

Yesterday, Chris demeaned my way of life, and basically told me that everything I'm working towards with my theatrical aspirations, is worthless. He apparently has no respect for the choices I have made with my life, and deems his life far more important. It really hurt me, which I told him. But will he apologize? Of course not. Christopher is always right. I'm waiting for an apology I will never hear. I know that Chris and I are as different as two people could be, but it always hurts more from family for some reason.

Then tonight I went to see Katie's "The Rainmaker", which turned out to be much better than I expected. She has come a long way from 124, and has obviously worked really hard on this production. I'm so proud of her. The show is really good in itself, I totally relate to Lizzie, the protagonist. If only I will be able to find love. It looks so doubtful.

I allowed myself to like this guy. And, through conversation, I discovered that he liked someone else. Being the stupid person that I am, I encouraged him to date this other girl. I of course couldn't be too obvious that I liked him. Tonight he was giddy about the time he spent with her last night, a kiss she gave him on the cheek, the fact that she came tonight, and that they were going to hang out later. I pasted a deceiving smile on my face and expressed how great that was for him. He was so happy about it, and admitted how sappy he was, and I wished with my entire being that he was behaving that way because of me. I guess I'm a tragic hero in the world of love as well. I am such a romantic, and want to be in love so badly. I dream about it, long for it, cry about it. But I am doomed never to get it.

I dedicate this song to myself, and realize that this is the second demon-related song I have posted:

"Everything's Not Lost" by Coldplay

If you ever feel neglected,
If you ever think all is lost,
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah,
Hoping everything's not lost,
Everything's not lost.

When I'm counting up my demons,
There's always one for everyday,
With the good ones on my shoulder,
I drove the other ones away.

If you ever feel neglected,
If you think all is lost,
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah,
Hoping everything's not lost.

When you thought it was over,
You could feel it all around,
Everybody's out to get you,
Don't you let it drag you down.

'Cause if you ever feel neglected,
If you think that all is lost,
I'll be counting all the demons, yeah,
Singing out yeah,
Everything's not lost...



I also long to be in London at this very moment. So desperately. I've been reading Jenna's blog, which has spurred this desperate desire. I've never been so unhappy for so long. I feel like running away to Europe could solve all my problems. For a little while at least.